Wednesday Wedding Tips: Wedding Party Discussions

Today’s wedding tip is brought to you as a story from a dear friend. A few weeks ago a dear friend and I were talking about the upcoming nuptials of two friends from high school… Rob and Lisa’s wedding is coming up in October and the friend and I were first talking about potential wedding gifts and my debate on should I order them a gift online or haul something back to the Fort  via plane (which then involves checking luggage). Anyway, the debate turned from wedding gifts to how we had heard the wedding planning was going (excellent from what I hear) and what type of cake we may be eating (I still have not heard, someone get me an update- I like to know what I have to look forward to. I wonder if I can bring an extra slice back on the plane with me?). This then turned to which of our friends will be there, to “do you remember so and so” and so on. This is where we get to today’s wedding tip.

Several years ago another good friend, who I doubt even knows this blog exists because she hasn’t really kept in touch with anyone since she got married, got engaged (yea, well I guess if she got married she was engaged at one point) (I know, I am a smart ass). Okay. So anyway, a few years ago this friend “Joann” got engaged and as she was talking to one our other good friends about planning the wedding and all of those typical things that come up in those conversations: colors, venue, cakes, music, THE dress, and so forth. Then they start talking about the wedding party, and the bride-to-be states that she will ask his sister and her sister to be in the wedding party, and so and so and so and so. Then she goes to talk about the ideal number in the wedding party and says something along the lines of, “and I just don’t know if I can decide between you and Kay (another friend in our group) to be in the wedding party.”

Seriously.

Now, this is not even MY experience. This is a story that has been shared with me (since I am using it as an educational lesson and it has been years AND the bride who was planning doesn’t read this, I am hoping that it is okay to share). This is a story that had been shared with me after it happened and I was upset for the good friend the bride was talking to. Did you really just basically say, “Hey we are good friends and I feel close enough to ask you to be in my wedding, but I can’t decide between you and someone else. You are not quite important enough to me to make the definite list.” Seriously?

I imagine there are plenty of brides-to-be that have a debate about who should be in the wedding party. And I know from other friends’ weddings that it can be a tough decision… but you don’t TELL someone that I can’t decide between you and this other person. That is just rude, and it can make the other person question their friendship. And so on. In my opinion if you have a friend you are debating about for wedding party duties, think about what other things you can ask them to do (greeter, provide a reading, etc). Or, even if you can’t ask them to participate, if you think they are going to be offended by not being asked… have a difficult conversation with them. “We both have large families, so we are just including them.” In my opinion, that is fine…. But it is not okay to tell someone I don’t know if I should pick you or someone else.

But hey, it is just my opinion.