Translation Tuesday: Southern Medical Dictionary

So it has been a stressful few weeks in my family as my 85-year-old Nana has been very ill and we ended up having to put her in a nursing home last week. This week we have been cleaning out her condo and trying to decide what to do with all of her things. In the midst of all of that stress, I found this gem in one of her MANY piles of papers and it was just too classic not to share. I apologize to whoever came up with it, I don’t know who to give credit too, but it gave me a laugh!

Artery………………………… The study of paintings
Bacteria……………………… Back door to cafeteria
Barium………………………. What doctors do when patients die
Benign………………………. What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section………… A neighborhood in Rome
CAT scan…………………….. Searching for a lost kitty
Cauterize……………………. Made eye contact with a gal
Colic…………………………. A sheep dog
Coma………………………… A punctuation mark
Dilate………………………… To live long
Enema………………………. Not a friend
Fester……………………….. Quicker than someone else
Fibula……………………….. A small lie
Impotent……………………. Distinguished, well known
Labor Pain……………….. Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff……………… A Doctor’s cane
Morbid……………………… A higher offer
Nitrates…………………….. Cheaper than day rates
Node……………………….. I knew it
Outpatient…………………. A person who has fainted
Pelvis…………….. ……….  Elvis’ cousin
Post Operative…………… A letter carrier
Recovery Room………….  upholstery shop
Rectum……………………. Near killed him
Secretion………………….. Hiding something
Seizure…………………….. Roman emperor
Tablet……………………… A small table
Terminal Illness…………. Getting sick at the airport
Tumor…………………….. One plus one more
Urine………………………. Opposite of you’re out

Vein…………………………. Conceited